Dear Guardian, Premier League and the rest of the Nick’s bunch,
I can not resist starting this e-mail with ARE YOU THAT F****** STUPID? Obviously you are. And I do not care will you read my e-mail or not. It is your life and business in matter. I couldn’t care less. The most important thing for me is that I have new topic to write about on my sport blog and laugh at the same time.
The story is centered about Nick Littlehales – bed mattress seller who convinced entire Premier League, and more, that scientifically proven 7-9 hours best method of sleeping is wrong. On the other hand, I find this method to be accurate. I don’t need Nick to tell me: there is expert literature, there are expert Internet sources and self-experience which I always regard to be the most important of all – at least in the relationship to the expert knowledge.
My latest inquiry in this field of brain, sleep & recovery led me to the dr. Walker studies who confirms everything I knew from before and even expands my understanding of proper rest. Let me enlighten you with 7 mandatory pillars of snooze (night shift workers and families with little children are special story): 1) 7-9 hours per night is obligatory, with 23-04 period included without exception, 2) REM all four (4) phases completed – known as deep sleep, 3) 30-60 minutes afternoon nap, 4) darkened bedroom, room temperature – not cold or warm, socks off – blood cools in our feet and then cools our core, avoid looking at the lights one and half hour before going to the sleep, 5) do not go hungry in the bed nor too full – eat light but enough for dinner, 6) sleep in the most comfortable position (fetus posture is desirable but not binding), 7) softly stretch your spine immediately before and after sleep.
“Sixteen years later he is a leading figure in the field, having assessed and reconfigured the bedrooms of a legion of international sporting stars as well as working with…”
Leading figure in the field? He is marketing guy, bed mattress seller, nothing else. Just one look at his face reveals to me that he is charlatan, fraud, mountebank, etc. He managed to convince all of you against the truth? One hell of a swindler I give him that, but nothing else.
“Littlehales makes sure sportspeople get the right hotel rooms on the right floor, the right air conditioning and temperature control, plus appropriate lighting and beds.”
This he can do.
“Endurance events such as the Tour are mentally taxing, so he also instructs team bosses to ensure each rider has seven sets of white linen, to be washed, dried and replaced each night to give the rider a greater sense of calm. Filters are placed over air-conditioning vents to remove allergens from the room and each athlete wears nasal strips to open their airways and avoid mouth-breathing.”
Well, well, he is not 100% fraud. This are actually good advices. 99% I say.
“And what about the age-old theory that eight hours of kip per day is what we need? Rubbish, says Littlehales. “Nobody gets it and nobody achieves it.” He says everyone has different physical and mental recovery times but that for elite athletes, five 90-minute sleep cycles a day is optimal, no matter what order they are in.”
So, Nick says that REM is rubbish. Rapid Eye Movement, deep sleep, is rubbish – so says Nick. Nick, Nicky, nickel… The only thing here that is rubbish is your theory of sleep without deep sleeping involved. Neural recombination is rubbish – says Nick. Neural restructuring, neural renewing is rubbish – says Nick. Doctors and scientists talk rubbish – says Nick. And so many sport leagues, sport clubs and sport media took Nick’s garbage along with them – that is the biggest rubbish in here.
“Routine is also vital. Each athlete has their own chronotype; they’re either morning people or night owls…”
This is true. I withdraw Nick’s rubbish to be 98%.
“The one electronic device Littlehales does recommend is a small dawn light simulator that emits gradual light to replicate the natural circadian process of sunrise.”
I do not recommend this. As the matter of fact, avoid this gadget at any cost. It will mess your biorhythm (circadian process) for certain.
“…many young athletes have grown up in the world of online gaming and take consoles with them wherever they go, playing against team-mates and friends until all hours of the night… Littlehales says athletes wouldn’t be banned from having sex before big games (“absolute crap”) but most definitely sleep solo, with partners leaving for a separate room once it’s time… Many top football clubs agree. At Real Madrid’s training centre only the player himself can gain access to his customised sleeping pod.”
Nick’s rubbish is lowered to the 97%.
“Littlehales says people would be surprised by the spartan, purely functional bedroom facilities at Manchester City’s academy, where the emphasis is on player recovery rather than pampering. City players will sleep there before home games.”
I am not surprised. Spartan – that is exactly how every perfect bedroom should look like. Nick you are going down to the 96%.
“For players who do sleep with their partner there are many extra factors to consider; the size of the bed; whether the partner is a light or fitful sleeper; that a right-handed athlete is best sleeping on their left side but on the right side of the bed.”
True. 95%.
“Littlehales says most elite athletes he works with have previously paid no attention to their sleeping environment at home, sending a partner or assistant out to buy their mattress and bedding. At worst that decision can lead to shoulder and neck complaints and contribute to other injuries. “I very rarely find that they’re sleeping on the right stuff,” he says.”
94%.
94%. That is the approximate amount of rubbish Nick is selling to the world. 1.5 hours times five is his sleeping theory. 1.5 seconds times one is what took me to realize that he sells nonsense, 1.5 hours times one is what took me to write this review on my mobile phone.
Go for it, please. Follow Nick’s sleeping advice. The rest of the sport world will run over you like high speed train over shopping cart.
Do you know what the only thing 1.5 hours times five method is better than? It is only better than sleeping less than that or not sleeping at all (which both leads to brain damage and death eventually).
Sincerely,
Teo Klima
editor of sport blog Fitness&Training
Fitness & Training 